The School — Woodberry Learning Centre
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Relationships

As human beings we are social creatures. We all have a need to belong, to feel connected to others in all sorts of relationships. When people, whether adults or children are being depressed (depressing), 95% of the time it will have something to do with a relationship not being the way we want it to be. Even though we know we can’t really control another person (unless they give us that power), we spend our lives trying to control at least one other person and often many of the significant people in our lives. Such is our need for power – to have control over our own lives is often seen as needing to have control over others. It is often through our relationships that we feel powerful and recognized by being the person we want to be and feeling valued, understood and appreciated.

Relationships are like sand in our hand – hold it too tightly and it will slip through our fingers. All relationships need to allow the other freedom within the relationship. As much as we need each other, we also need our own personal time and space to reflect on what we think, who we are, what we do and to have choices.

 

Happy positive relationships are extremely pleasurable. We all need to be playful and have fun and this can often be forgotten in unequal relationships such as parent/child or teacher/student.

 

We all have a Quality World – a special part of our memory where we store images of people, experiences, beliefs and values that are, have been or we believe would be extremely satisfying. We will do just about anything for someone we have put into our Quality World. At WLC we try our best to get our students to put us into their Quality Worlds so we will have influence with them.

We can meet our needs for belonging, power and recognition, fun and freedom in positive ways or in negative socially unacceptable ways. A child who does not feel loved, connected, supported and safe in his/her own family, will turn to their “second” family – the peer group, the local street gang to feel connected and will feel powerful through bullying, fighting, stealing and have fun at other people’s expense or through risk taking behaviours and perhaps drugs and alcohol.

 

Just because you are in a relationship or family or peer group doesn’t mean you can’t still be lonely. We can’t emphasize how important it is for all of us, but especially our children, to feel heard, supported, loved, trusted and appreciated in spite of the many bad choices they will inevitably make along the journey to adulthood.